Man wonders if reaching out to an ex-best friend for closure is worth it after three years of no contact: ‘I feel like doing that might help me finally let her go completely and close that chapter on a good note’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 15, 2026 1:45 PM EDT

To reach out or not to reach out

Closure is a funny thing; it's never entirely clear to us what we are trying to find when we're looking for it. Oftentimes we want to express our side of the story before we let go of the other person completely; other times, we're secretly hoping to reignite a friendship or a past love affair; but every time it's about something deeper than just 'closing'. Some people say that looking for closure is futile, but I differ. I think the important thing about closure is the act itself, aside from the content of the message: if it's polite, if it's not aggressive, if it's about saying goodbye or saying something you never dared to say, I think one should always try to reach out and send it. Having said all that, when one sends one of those long, feared paragraphs, one should know that the answer might never come, or that it might be frustrating, incomplete, or invalidating. The ideal situation would be to send the message only to express ourselves and say our goodbyes, regardless of the answer.

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  • couple standing back to back arm crossed
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    The ex best friends

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  • Is it worth reaching out to an ex-best friend for closure?

    Hello people, Lately, I've been feeling like I need to explain myself to my ex-best friend. For context, I had this wonderful and amazing best friend. She was everything to me since the day we met in school. She
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  • was a kind, charismatic, social butterfly who was really fun to be around, and she was always there throughout every hardship I faced, always pushing me to be better. We texted every day, all day. We even went to the same
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  • university, taking the same. major and the same classes. Everything was going well until we ran into one of our old classmates. As I mentioned, my friend is a social butterfly; everyone was her friend.
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  • That classmate eventually became our other "best friend," even though I never really considered her a best friend. Over time, our trio grew, and we had a lot of other girls joining us during breaks. I'm a logical,
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  • straightforward type of person. I don't let people in easily, and I don't make friends fast. Eventually, the larger friend group got unbearable. They didn't even know my name and always asking me "oh, whats ur name again", even
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  • though I'd been there the whole time and every time they saw me, they acted as if I was new. On top of that, they talked about each other behind their backs all the time, but when everyone was together, they suddenly became
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  • angels. Slowly, my best friend changed. She would hug everyone else, but when I tried to even place my hand on her shoulder, she would shake it off and say, "Eww, don't do that." The same best friend who
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  • used to always check up. on me and instantly know when something was wrong started texting me only once a week. The group would plan lunch dates, and everyone would know except me. I would find out through
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  • group of people forming heart gestures
    via Melissa Askew

    The friendgroup hanging together without him

    Stock image for ilustrative purposes

  • Instagram stories after the fact, and then she would text me saying, "I missed u." I was scared to let her go. Scared of losing my friend. Scared of loneliness. So, I stayed, and I hated myself for being a coward.
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  • After months of this, I finally broke and decided to cut them out. I unfollowed everyone from that friend group, including my best friend. The moment I did, I felt so relieved and happy for the first time in a while.
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  • It's been three years since that happened. My ex- best friend still shares some classes with me. We've had a few moments where I look at her and just wonder where that kind, amazing friend went... It
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  • still feels lonely sometimes because I don't really have anyone I can consider a true best friend right now, but I believe one day I'll find someone who appreciates me. Anyway, back to the reason I'm writing this:
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  • lately, I've been feeling like I want to reach out to her and explain why I cut her off without a word. I feel like doing that might help me finally let her go completely and close that chapter on a good note.
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  • pen on paper
    via Aaron Burden

    The letters he never sent

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  • Automatic_Sky_6693 There is no such thing as closure it's just a meaningless verb. Completely accepting reality as it is without judgement, resistance, or fighting the facts is called radical acceptance that's the healthiest way to deal.
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  • frenchfryfans i wouldn't reach out, it might reopen old wounds. if she wanted an explanation from your POV then she would've asked the second you cut her and everyone. else out :/ please continue to grow on your own and continue to be happy
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  • Electrical_Reason725 If she replied warmly and asked whether you wanted to be friends again, what would you want to happen next?
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  • I think it’s clear that, for whatever reason, this friendship dissolved, and OP was profoundly affected by this story. Taking that hurt into consideration, I think he should reach out to this woman, but again, just because I think he has to let some things out of his chest. Reaching out might lead to a second chance at the friendship, or to silent ghosting, but I think he should strive to be happy with what he sends regardless. I have a strong feeling that, when he does that, a huge weight will come off his shoulders.



     

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